


On Matters of Fragility

by NamelesslyNightlock



Series: Going Down Swinging [36]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Apologies, Arguing, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Compromise, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Feels, Fluffy Ending, Happy Ending, Hurt Tony Stark, Idiots in Love, Injury, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Gets a Hug, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Blood, Protective Loki (Marvel), Protective Thor (Marvel), Reckless Tony Stark, Regret, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Gets a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Is Not Good At Feelings, Tony Stark Is Not Helping, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Understanding, Worried Loki (Marvel), spite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:35:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21776893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: Tony’s had enough of people telling him what to do– he’s Tony Stark, goddamn it, he can look after himself. So whenLokitells him to be more careful during fights, it feels like he’s hit the last straw.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Series: Going Down Swinging [36]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1330490
Comments: 32
Kudos: 513





	On Matters of Fragility

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to **BennyBatch** who saved the day when I was ~~once again~~ whining about summaries! ❤︎  
>   
>  **Prompt** — _“I’m lost without you.”_

If there was one thing that Tony found irritating above all else, it was when people thought that they could tell him what to do and how to live his life. He knew that at least some of them meant well– that when Pepper told him to cut back on the drinking she was worried for his health, and when Rhodey grilled him about his relationship with Loki he was only trying to make sure that Tony didn’t suffer heartache yet again. He _knew_ they _meant_ well, but that didn’t stop the way that it grated against every nerve.

Part of it was that he had spent his whole life being told that he had been given everything on a silver platter, that if not for the springboard offered by his father he never would have made it to where he was. Part of it was just that he didn’t like being spoken down to, that he _knew_ he was capable of looking after himself.

And oh, he knew that it made him reckless. He knew that he had a tendency to throw himself into situations just to prove that he _could_ come out on top, even if he didn’t need to.

Despite all of that, he could still _tell_ when people were trying to be kind. He was clever enough to know the difference, and that was why he was able to _listen_ to Pepper and start to cut back on the drinking that he knew was shortening his lifespan, and why he weathered the talk with Rhodey and responded with soft reassurances that _yes_ , he could see that it was risky, but _no_ , he didn’t think Loki was going to hurt him. Listening was something he could do, so long as they stayed in that area of caring and didn’t push beyond what he was willing to allow– so long as they didn’t overstep and try to take away something that truly mattered.

So really, it shouldn’t have been a surprise that when Loki tried to tell him that he needed to be more careful in fights it raised every hackle and hair, that it had Tony gnashing his teeth and already planning all the ways he could throw himself into harm’s way and come out all the better for it.

Loki was more durable than Tony. He was stronger, more powerful, just as smart, and certainly going to live for a lot, _lot_ longer. And to hear him tell Tony that… what? That Tony needed to try and stay _safe_ , because in comparison he was a weak mortal with a ticking clock in his chest and with far less time left than the average American his age would have?

No. Loki might spend every night in Tony’s bed, and he might have wormed his way into Tony’s heart, but he had no right to _that_.

So… it was during the very next fight that Tony took more risks than he ever had. He threw himself in front of the other Avengers, he charged into battle without waiting for backup. And at the end, when they needed someone to make a hard call, he was the one who jumped in and made the sacrifice play.

It wasn’t quite a nuke, and it wasn’t quite a portal into outer space. But it very nearly could have had the same result, and this time, when he fell out of the sky, it wasn’t Hulk– but _Loki_ who was there to catch him before he splattered against the ground.

Tony was still conscious, though he could feel the wet stickiness of blood running down his temple, and he could feel the crunch of his dislocated left shoulder sending spasms of pain through his whole body. It was just the result of being battered about in the suit from too-high a fall, and then being caught and dragged to too fast a stop– nothing that was terribly life-threatening, nothing that couldn’t be healed.

But when Loki tore away Tony’s helmet, his expression was completely and utterly terrified. His green eyes were wide and wet with tears, his fingers trembling as he reached out to brush over Tony’s cheek.

“Anthony,” he whispered, his breaths coming out in too quick gasps. “You’re all right, you’re safe—”

“I know,” Tony said, feeling a sloppy grin pull at the corners of his lips. “Of course I’m fine. It’s like I keep telling you, I’m always fine. I know what I’m doing.”

Loki’s whole body shuddered, his eyes squeezing closed as he clutched Tony a little closer to his chest– and Tony’s smile turned into a frown.

“Hey, it’s like you said. I’m fine,” Tony promised, though he obligingly lay his aching head on Loki’s shoulder and raised a hand to gently brush the tips of his fingers over Loki’s cheek. Loki leaned into his touch, but he didn’t look any less distressed.

“You’re fine _now_ ,” Loki whispered, “But what about the next time that you throw yourself into the path of death? What if you—”

“No,” Tony snapped, lifting his head and pulling from Loki’s arms. Loki held on for a moment, but he did let go when Tony pinned him with a glare, letting Tony slide back and out of Loki’s lap. “Okay, I get you being _worried_ , but this—”

“I just want you to be safe,” Loki whispered, his hands still half-extended.

“I know you think I’m weak,” Tony said, the words spat out between gritted teeth. “I know that you think I’m going to blow over at just the slightest gust of wind, but I’m _not_ , okay? Just because I’m not a freaking _Nordic god_ does not mean that I’m helpless.”

“I don’t think—”

“Oh yeah?” Tony muttered, checking over his armour and pushing to his feet. “Well, sometimes I wonder.”

Loki’s expression crumpled, and Tony felt it like a shard of glass through his chest. But he just… he _couldn’t_ , he was so done with being treated like a child. And even though he could see the request already forming on Loki’s lips, even though he knew he really _shouldn’t_ be flying with a concussion and an injured shoulder, Tony leapt into the air and flew back to the tower anyway.

He just needed to clear his head.

—

By the time Tony arrived back at the tower, he already regretted what he had said. Yeah, okay, so Loki worried– but that’s just what you’re supposed to do when you care about someone, isn’t it? But, surely, not to that extent? Tony had been Iron Man for years before he started dating Loki, so surely Loki couldn’t—

Loki _shouldn’t—_

Yet, when Tony thought about if the situations were reversed, if he imagined Loki being injured, it churned his gut and made him want to go and curl up in Loki’s arms and never let go of him ever again. But that was a moot point, wasn’t it? Because Loki couldn’t be hurt, not in the same way as Tony could, and certainly not as easily. He could have fallen as far as Tony had and landed in a crater on the ground with hardly a scratch.

Moving almost mechanically, Tony stripped off his armour, and he cleaned the cut on his head. His mind was a mess and the sick feeling to his stomach wouldn’t quite go away, and he found himself at his bar and pouring a drink before he had truly realised he was doing it.

When Tony heard that the others had come back, he waited with bated breath– but when the elevator doors slid open it was to reveal that Bruce, not Loki, had come to check on him.

Tony tried to hide his disappointment, but Bruce seemed to notice anyway. His smile was sad and didn’t quite reach his eyes, though his tone was still that same resigned drawl as always when he told Tony that he was there to see to his shoulder, if he was being as stubborn as usual about the hospital.

Tony agreed that yes, he was being stubborn, for want of the company more than his usual pride– and he left his untouched glass of scotch on the bar as he moved for the couch, preparing himself to have his arm poked and prodded.

He had hoped that it would be something of a distraction, something to keep his mind off things until Loki came back. But, unfortunately, it seemed that Bruce was determined to make him think about it.

“Tony, I know it’s not my place, but… what did you say to Loki?” Bruce asked, his tone more than a little hesitant. “He seemed… upset.”

Drawing in a deep breath, Tony tried to keep his expression neutral, though he was quite certain that he had not succeeded. “You know I can’t stand it when people try to tell me what to do, Bruce,” he explained. “I just… I know he worries, but he doesn’t need to treat me like I’m made of glass.”

“Tony, Loki really– uh, he really cares about you, you know that right?” Bruce said. “And yes, he worries. I know he doesn’t like to show it, neither of you do, but you should have seen him on the way back. I think he’s afraid that you’re going to get yourself killed.”

“He should know me better than that,” Tony huffed. “I’m _fine—”_

“If he hadn’t caught you, Tony, you _would_ be dead,” Bruce said sternly. “Can’t you picture how that might make him feel?”

Yes, of course he could. He had seen the look on Loki’s face, he _knew_ what had been going through his head. And Tony had been angry, because he’d been expecting– well, not congratulations for defeating the big bad, but at least acceptance of the fact that he had been _right_. He’d done what he had to, and he came out of it alive. What more could Loki ask for?

But even as the thoughts ran through Tony’s mind, he saw again the wounded twist to Loki’s lips, the sad set of his usually bright green eyes. And he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that this was not something he could just brush away.

The guilt was still settling heavy in his stomach, and he rubbed his hands hard over his face.

“I didn’t mean to hurt him,” Tony said. “God. That’s the last thing I want, but I just… whenever I’m told that I can’t do something…”

“I wasn’t there for that conversation, Tony, and that’s something between the two of you,” Bruce said gently. “But if there’s one thing I know, it’s that Loki looks at you like you’re his world. I don’t think he wants you to be careful because he thinks you’re incompetent. I think… that it might be something closer to the opposite.”

Tony didn’t respond to that, and Bruce didn’t say anything more on the topic. He finished immobilising Tony’s injured shoulder, and then after promising to give JARVIS instructions about strength exercises for later – and goddamn, but that rubbed the wrong way after everything that had happened – Bruce headed back to the elevator and left Tony alone.

And that also left Tony with no clue as to what to do next.

He tried to work on some of the paperwork Pepper had left him, but he gave up after reading the first sentence five times over. He didn’t even bother trying to concentrate on anything else, just pushed up from his chair and headed to his room. What he wanted was a hot shower to try and calm his aching muscles, but he didn’t want to undo Bruce’s handiwork so soon. So, instead, he piled as many blankets as he could onto his bed and crawled under them, not caring that it wasn’t even yet the time that most normal people would be having dinner.

But as he lay there in his bed, unable to find a comfortable position, he realised that he didn’t just feel off because he was sore. His arms ached all over because they had nothing to curl around, nothing to _hold_. The skin across his shoulders felt oddly stretched, and he pulled his arms in tight as against his chest as he could without jostling his injury to try and release the tension. Eventually, he did manage to fall asleep– but woke up gasping not nearly enough hours later, the bed feeling too cold, too empty, and his skin still crawling with the sense of something missing.

“J?” he asked blearily, wiping at his eyes.

“Yes, Sir?” JARVIS asked, gently.

“Where… where’s Loki?”

There was a slight pause, before JARVIS spoke in a tone that was far softer than his usual. “Mr Liesmith has decided to stay on Mr Odinson’s floor tonight, Sir.”

There was a moment of silence where Tony turned that over in his head– but only a moment. Then he threw off his covers and rolled out of the bed, dragging a blanket with him as he went.

“Sir?” JARVIS asked.

“I need to go and see him, J,” he said. “I need to fix this, before it gets any worse.”

JARVIS didn’t say anything else, and the elevator doors were already open by the time Tony reached them. He didn’t have to tell JARVIS where to take him either, and he was glad for his AI’s ability to just do what needed to be done– at least, that is, until he reached Thor’s floor to find the Thunderer himself waiting, his arms crossed over his chest and looking no less threatening for wearing his Mjölnir-patterned pyjamas.

“Tony,” Thor said gruffly.

“Hi, Thor,” Tony said., pulling his blanket a little tighter around himself. “I, uh, don’t suppose Loki’s up?”

“He’s not sleeping,” Thor said– which was both a confirmation and a denial, and it caused a spark of concern to flash through Tony’s chest. Thor didn’t continue, but he made no move to shift out of the way, either.

“I need to talk to him,” Tony said, speaking with caution. “I, uh. I made a mistake.”

“Yes.” Thor arched a brow, and Tony let out a long sigh, his shoulders slumping.

“I need to apologise,” he tried. “Please, Thor, I want to make this right. I’m not… I don’t want to hurt him.” It was nearly the same thing he had said to Bruce, and the need for that reassurance made Tony’s whole body ache. It was not so long ago that everyone would have accepted how much he cared for Loki without question, but after what he had said and done… he supposed he could more than understand why they were all a little hesitant to believe him.

Thor’s expression did not change as he considered Tony carefully, but something in his crystalline gaze hardened while he did so. Tony tried to keep his expression as open as he could– he did not know what Thor was searching for, but he didn’t want to hide. Not when all he’d heard had confirmed that Loki was in pain, and not when Thor looked like he was two seconds and a single misplaced word away from throwing Tony into a wall.

Thankfully, though, it seemed that whatever Thor saw in Tony satisfied him, for he uncrossed his arms and strode straight past Tony and into the elevator.

“I need something to eat,” Thor said, somehow managing to make that innocuous statement sound threatening. “I will be in the kitchen, should you need me.”

“Thank you, Thor,” Tony said, watching as he entered the elevator.

“Tread carefully, Tony Stark,” Thor warned. “I will only give you so many chances.”

“Good,” Tony said firmly. That seemed to take Thor a little by surprise, and it caused the corner of his mouth to curve into a smile.

“Good luck, Tony,” he said. “I sincerely hope that you manage to fix this, for both of your sakes.”

Tony took strength from that, and turned to step toward the spare room Loki had used before he had moved into the penthouse.

The door was ajar, though the inside of the room was dark. Tony paused in the hallway for a moment, listening– but he couldn’t hear a thing.

“Loki?” he whispered, reaching out and pushing the door gently open with his good hand, holding the blanket awkwardly in place with the other.

“Anthony.” Loki’s voice was flat, and it betrayed nothing save the fact that he was certainly awake, and had been for some time.

Tony pushed the door open the rest of the way, allowing the light from the hallway to bathe the room. Loki was sitting in the middle of the mattress, his legs crossed, his hands in his lap, and his back uncomfortably straight. His eyes were sharp as they came to rest on Tony, and even in the dim light he could see that they were red and puffy. He swallowed down the lump that formed in his throat.

“Loki,” he said. “I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” Loki asked, his voice still flat and empty– and somehow, that hurt far more than angry yelling ever could have. Though, as he spoke, his words began to shake. “For putting yourself in danger? For dismissing my warnings as nothing? For accusing me of treating you with less respect than you deserve, or for belittling the way that I feel and then leaving me with nothing to hold on to but the fear that you–” Loki’s voice cracked, and then he let out a choked laugh, the kind that shook with bitter pain. “Is that why you’re here now? To tell me that things are over between us?”

“No,” Tony said immediately, _forcibly_ , barely able to get the word out through the agony of his heart breaking. “I would never.”

“You would never _what?”_ Loki said again, a bit of his normal fire sparking back up in those green eyes. “You have already _done_ all of those things!”

“I haven’t _ended things,”_ Tony said quickly, stumbling forward, his hands coming to rest on the mattress, his knees hitting the floor. “I haven’t– Loki, fuck, I can’t– I would never, not now, not over _this_ —”

“And what about the next time that I treat you like a _child?”_ Loki asked harshly. “Because I can’t stop caring, Anthony, and I will never stop trying to keep you safe. This is only going to happen again, so if you are not here to end things, then—”

“I didn’t come to argue, either—”

“Then _why—”_

“I’m here to apologise,” Tony snapped– then he stopped himself and drew in a deep breath, because he hadn’t meant to say that so harshly, and he knew that anger was the very last thing that either of them needed in that moment.

Loki had paused as well, his eyes widening.

“That can’t come as a shock,” Tony said. “I already said _sorry—”_

“Out of pity, not remorse,” Loki whispered, and although some of the fight was already melting away, he had yet to soften entirely. “Anthony… you still have not told me what you are apologising _for_.”

“Everything,” Tony said immediately. “Loki, I was wrong. I was the one who wasn’t treating you as you deserve, because you deserve so much better. I never should have worried you, not to the extent that I did, and I shouldn’t have rubbed that back in your face. I’m so, so sorry, because I do know that you care about me, and– I care about you as well, even if I’ve been shit at showing it. Loki, this isn’t on you, this is my fault, and I’m going to do everything and anything I can to make it up to you. Because… Loki, I love you, and I don’t want to lose this. I could never let you go, not unless you wanted me to, and to know that I hurt you cuts me deeper than anything else ever could. So… the ball’s in your court, Lokes, but know that until you say the word, I am never going to stop trying, okay?”

Loki’s expression had crumpled slowly as Tony spoke, his eyes widening and shining with unshed tears, his lips parting, his hands trembling where they still rested in his lap. “You love me?” he whispered.

“I’m so sorry that I said you didn’t care,” Tony continued, stretching his good hand across the mattress, blanket loose on his shoulders now. “I know that you do, just as I care about you. I’m sorry for everything that I said, though… I _know_ that I’m not a god, and I know that I should have at least tried to explain the way that I felt, rather than just snapping at you right off the bat.”

“Anthony, I do not think you weak,” Loki said, his voice still hoarse with feeling, though his eyes were burning still with something else. “You are the strongest person I know—”

“No,” Tony said, shaking his head. “Compared to you, compared to Thor– hell, even compared to Steve and Natasha, I’m more vulnerable. But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to break from a single bruise, Loki, I promise you that I _can_ hold my own in a fight.”

“It’s not about the thickness of your skin, or how strong your bones are,” Loki said, shaking his head. “Anthony, I worry because you are _you._ ”

“I get it,” Tony sighed. “Because I’m more reckless than the others—”

“ _Yes._ ”

“—because I’m more breakable, because I’m just a man in a tin can? Or because I’m getting older, because the suits are dangerous and risky and you think that I should _stop?”_

“Anthony—”

“Loki, Iron Man is part of me,” Tony said, almost begging. “I’m not just going to let him go, because that would be like cutting away part of myself. Please, don’t make me choose.”

“I would never ask you to do such a thing,” Loki vowed quickly. “Never.”

“Then what is it, Loki?” Tony asked. “Because… I don’t know what else to think.”

Loki was just staring at Tony brokenly, almost as if the very last shred of hope had been snatched from his fingers.

“What?” Tony asked, his tone coarse with a touch of desperation. “What aren’t I getting?”

“Don’t you understand?” Loki asked, his voice harsh and raw. “If something were to happen… I don’t want...”

Looking at Loki then, at the torment dancing through his gaze, and at the way he couldn’t quite manage to get the words past his lips, Tony felt all of his arguments stutter to a halt. Slowly, he pressed up off his knees to perch on the edge of the mattress instead, reaching out to run the backs of his fingers over Loki’s damp cheek in a gesture he hoped was comforting.

“Loki,” he said, his own words sounding hollow, because he knew that it was something he couldn’t truly promise. “Nothing is going to happen to me.”

“But if it did,” Loki begged, his voice harsh and raw. “Anthony… I’m lost without you.”

The complete and utter devastation in his expression was enough to pull a whine from Tony’s throat, and he shifted across the bed to draw Loki into his arms, uncaring that the movement pulled on his shoulder. Loki went more than willingly, curling against his side. It was rare to see him so vulnerable, so close to breaking apart, and Tony felt his own breath shudder as he brushed his lips over the top of Loki’s head.

It was a hard thing, because Tony really did believe that he knew his own limits, that he knew how far he could push, calculating risks and cutting the wire at the exact right moment to come out on top. He knew that he _could_ – but he also understood that there was always a chance that something could go wrong. He was more than capable of recognising that sometimes, there are variables that you just can’t account for.

 _That_ was what Loki was afraid of– he didn’t think Tony was weak, and he didn’t distrust that he could look after himself. He was just scared that one of Tony’s plans would go awry, that he would get hurt or worse, because…

Well, Tony knew from experience that seeing Loki injured tore him apart from the inside out, and he didn’t want to contemplate what it would be like to try and continue on if Loki was gone for good. Yet every time he threw himself into the line of fire, he had forced Loki to contemplate the very same.

The raw feeling in Loki’s voice as he had made his admission combined with the way that Loki was clinging to him did more to shift his perspective than any argument could have, and he pulled Loki tighter against him with his good arm as he made a firm vow.

“I can’t stop being Iron Man, and I won’t stop risking myself if it means that I can keep other people safe,” Tony said. “But I _can_ promise to be more careful, Loki. I’ll look for another way first, I’ll do all that I can to make sure I have back up.” Loki was staring at him, eyes wide, and Tony caught his gaze with a sad smile. “I can’t say that I’ll ever be happy to stay entirely _safe_ , but I’ll do my best to keep myself whole, for you.”

When Loki tilted up his chin and brought their lips together, Tony could taste the salt of his tears and could feel hope in the gentle kiss.

“I love you,” Loki whispered, his eyes still closed as he leaned their foreheads together. “I do not think that I can face a world without you in it.”

“I love you, too,” Tony replied, stroking his hand gently over Loki’s back. “And I wouldn’t want to be without you, either.”

Loki leaned down to kiss him again, and this time it was a little less gentle. They pressed together as close as they could while still accommodating Tony’s arm, letting the electric feel of their mouths moving together remind them that they were both still alive– and that at least here, in each other’s arms, no harm would come to them.

They knew that they lived dangerous lives, and they could never swear to always be safe. But to be a little more cautious, for the sake of the other? Well, for Tony at least, that was far easier done than said. He had something which was worth holding on to, which was worth holding back for. And from now into the future, he and Loki would always find each other after a fight, coming together and reassuring each other that they had made it through another day.

But for now, Tony was completely in that moment, safe at least in the knowledge that neither of them wished for this to come to an end.

“If there was a way to make you a little less breakable,” Loki said, his words hesitant and laced still with that newfound hope. “A way for us to stay together longer. Would you consider it?”

“More time with you?” Tony asked. “Lokes, that’s not even a question.”

Finally, Loki properly relaxed, the tension leaving him in a way that it hadn’t in far too long. “Can we go back to our bed, now?” he asked, and Tony was pleased to hear that there was no longer any doubt, no longer any hesitation.

“Yeah,” Tony promised, looking forward to curling up together, to finally getting some rest. “Yeah, that sounds good.”


End file.
